Tears on my pillow
by superimperfection
Summary: Joey/Lauren Two Shot based after the break up, and the possible reunion ideas we've heard
1. Chapter 1

**Two shot idea I've had for a while, posting part one now, part two tomorrow with another chapter of Heaven Must Have Sent You!**

**Enjoy guys :) xxx**

**Tears on my pillow**

I wiped my mouth furiously after downing the last of my drink. Tears swelling in my eyes, stinging as I shut my eyes closed taking a second to regain myself. A wave of sickness rushed through my body as the reality of what was just said hit me. It was over.

It wasn't the first time I had heard these words fall from his mouth; it was the second time, although this time it hurt more. We had come so far since then, battled through secrets and lies, death and drama to be together, we were finally together accepted by most and now I was back at square one, alone and drunk.

I hadn't been drinking as far as I was aware, I had ordered only lemonade, I was skint I couldn't afford alcohol, yet a few drinks in I was feeling light headed, slightly sick and once again making an idiot of myself. I clutched my forehead tightly, trying desperately to remember what had lead me to this point, the only thing I could think of was Lucy had offered to get my drinks, I had stated lemonade, so why was I now drunk? It was rather clear to me she had bought me alcohol for some unknown reason. I had even told him that, but Joey no longer trusted me.

I didn't watch Joey leave, I couldn't, the first time I had watched him walk away from me tore me apart, I refused to watch him leave through those doors, it would kill me. Instead I carried on drinking hoping desperately to drink away anything and everything.

It was now days later and I was now slumped on the sofa. I had gone past the point of no return; I couldn't see properly, I could barely keep my eyes open. The pain in my heart was the only thing I could feel. Heartbreak I'm sure that's what it is, my heart once more torn to shreds by the one person who could ever make it whole again. Clutching my chest desperately, I let my eyes close briefly, feeling the couch beneath me slip away, I was completely numb.

"Lauren, Lauren can you hear me?" I could hear the panic in my mum's voice although it was faint. I tried desperately to reply, but my mouth would work, I couldn't move, my eyes would open.

"Abi, phone and ambulance now" she shouted loudly, I could just feel her cupping my head. "Tell them she's not breathing" feeling the tears drip onto my cheek yet I still couldn't move as the darkness set in once more.

Joey's Pov.

_Glancing from my window, I looked at number 5 my heart aching for the girl within those walls. I didn't want to hurt her, but seeing Lauren killing herself day after day became too much to handle, I wouldn't stay and watch her do it, I simply couldn't. The sound of sirens filled my ears before I even saw it swing around the corner from the market, I gasped loudly watching as it stopped abruptly outside the house I was praying it wouldn't. Scrambling from my room I rushed down the stairs and out the front door, letting my feet take to their door. _

_"Tan what's happening?" I asked as she appeared in the doorway, letting the paramedics through, the tears streaming down her face, mascara staining her face. _

_"Oh Joey, she wasn't breathing, I just found her face down on the floor" she burst into tears, the sickness swelling in my stomach. She hadn't said who it was but I knew immediately. _

_"Lauren" I managed to croak out, my voice catching as Tanya rushed back into the house hearing the piercing scream from Abi. I followed in after her, stopping in my tracks at the doorway of the living room, my feet giving way as I watched the paramedics trying to revive her. Her body lifeless on the floor, her top slightly ripped as they pressed down on her chest trying to restart her broken her. I'd never seen her so fragile, her face pale, lips slightly blue. Clutching my mouth I resisted the urge to throw up. _

_"She's breathing" one of the paramedics sighed with relief. The following few minutes were a blur, she was lifted onto a stretcher, passing me as they loaded her into the ambulance. A crowd gathered outside, gasping as they saw Lauren, Max now outside holding onto Tanya as she cried. I felt Abi place her hand into mine squeezing it tightly. _

_"She's going to be okay" she whispered, trying to reassure herself and me. All I could feel was guilt, this was my fault, all my fault. _

"Lauren, I'm Doctor Jones you're in Walford general hospital" my eyes fluttered open, catching the tail end of his sentence. _Hospital, I was in hospital. _

"You were admitted this afternoon, you had a minor heart attack otherwise known as an unstable angina Lauren" he continued, my head now pounding from the information he was giving me. Heart attack, I never expected that. The pain I felt in my chest I was sure was just emotional, not physical.

"This was most likely brought on by stress, from what your parents have told me, now there is medication for you to take but there is also some serious lifestyle changes such as your diet and exercise and also no alcohol" he stated clearly. Warning me the dangers, and the possible outcome if I didn't do these things. I began to well up, needing the one person who could only keep me calm, Joey.

I wasn't even sure if he knew I was even in hospital, or that he would even care enough. We were over, done for good that's what he said, so why should I even think he would come after everything. A little hope maybe, hope that he still loved me enough to care I was alive, just.

But the other half of me, the stubborn, emotional, scared little girl didn't want him anywhere near me. Trusting to believe Lucy over me, having no faith in me. How could I ever believe in him again?

"Don't you ever do that to us again Lauren Branning or so god help me" Mum stormed into the room followed by dad who was trying to calm her down. I knew she only cared for me, she was angry I let myself get this far, the potential of dying was loud and clear.

"I'm sorry mum, dad" I reached for their hands, holding them close to me, as tears poured down my face, sobs raking through my once thick skin, I was now an emotional open book.

"We love you baby" dad whispered, kissing my forehead softly. For once my parents were in the same room, together, no arguments, no mention of Kristy, just peace and quiet.

Mum received a number of phone calls throughout the evening, into the following morning. I had guessed it was Abi and nan checking up on me, of course, I wouldn't expect it to be anyone else. Though a shadow of hope that it was Joey still burned within me.

"Darling, Joey is here to see you, can I let him in?" I was a little taking back by it, why was he here now?

"Sure mum" I shrugged trying to convey that I now no longer cared, though the butterflies in my stomach would certainly disagree.

"Don't stress her out" I heard mum state before he walked into the room. His eyes dark the tired circles under his eyes called out in pain to me.

"Hey you" he murmured, sitting down on the chair next to the bed. His eyes skimming over the machines that were now connected to my fragile body.

"Hi" my throat catching a little at the sight of him being so close to me.

"How are you feeling?" he pondered, his eyes fixated on the heart monitor next to me.

"I've been better, guess that's what a heart attack does to you" I snapped back, a little anger washing through my veins. Why was he acting so caring now.

"Don't" he whispered closing his eyes tight shut for a second, when they opened they were full of tears.

"I was there, I watched them restart you heart" I murmured clearly upset over what he had seen.

"No thanks to you" I muttered, his eyes snapping up to meet mine.

"I guess I deserved that after everything" he replied, not has hurt by my comment as I thought.

"No you deserve worse Joey, do you have any idea how humiliating it is to have your boyfriend believe a lying manipulative cow over you? To then have your heart broken for the second time" I shouted a little, my throat catching at the end as all the emotions I have been feeling were now on the surface.

"I'm so sorry Lo" he whispered clearly ashamed of himself, and so he should be. "Let me make it up to you, please I'll do anything, I just need you back" he proclaimed, he wanted me back? _Well this I didn't expect_.

"No Joey, don't you get it, I can't be with you anymore, the fear of you breaking my heart over and over again is too much to handle, I can't take it" I whispered, I needed to be selfish for once, I had to be.

"No babe, please just give me a chance" he pleaded, the love for me in his eyes more apparent than ever before.

"I gave you a second chance and this is where I end up, I can't, please just go" I whispered rolling away from him, my arms winding naturally around myself. I heard a sob escape his lips before his feet shuffled to the door, I heard him sigh loudly before leaving.

My cries now released. _Is this really the end? _


	2. Chapter 2

**Final part I hope you like it! thanks for all the reviews :) xxxx**

**Tears on my pillow – Part 2**

I spent most of the night crying on my pillow. Mum had stayed beside me, I couldn't remember what she was saying, and all I knew was that she was finally there for me. Offering me the comfort I was needing after rejecting Joey, I was calling it quits, not that I wanted to but it needed to be, we weren't healthy together and I was unsure that I could believe in him again after he doubted me.

My mind ran over our whole relationship, the many obstacles we had got over, the heartbreak and sadness, the lies and laughter. It really was a rollercoaster. To be honest I wasn't ready to let it go, I loved him too much to see him with anyone other than me. But would it really work? Could we actually be happy?

I couldn't help but think about that first kiss. I was once again drunk and let down my vulnerable guard. Joey had responded, his feelings pushing through his lips to mine, until he pulled away. The following day he instigated the next kiss one just as passionate as the first, that when I knew I could ever walk away from him, he was it, the one, not my cousin; he was my best friend and soul mate.

Deciding in that second I needed to see him right now, I picked up my phone quietly, creeping out of bed, now I could as I was no longer connected to the heart monitors. Mum was fast asleep in the chair none the wiser as I crept to the loo, closing the door behind me.

Dialling his number off my heart I waited as it rang and rang, only just realising it was 3am.

"Hello" his voice was muffled, I had clearly woken him up, but just hearing his voice made my heart flutter and in my condition that wasn't great.

"Hi" I whispered trying to be as quiet as I could although I could hear my heart beating loudly as if it was on loudspeaker.

"Lauren? Is everything okay?" his voice slightly panicked at my strange call.

"Yeah its fine, I just needed to hear you voice, sorry" I sighed, feeling myself blush even though he wasn't here.

I heard him chuckle a little "Its more than okay Lo, I'm just surprised after earlier" he replied, I heard him flick on his bedside lamp, making me think of him bare chested in only boxers in his large double bed, a place where I usually slept, not always sleeping but you get my drift.

"I know, my head is just all over the place, I know how I feel, I just have so many doubts" I replied honestly, I wasn't going to lie just to spare his feelings, I had to consider my own.

"Its my fault, I don't know what I was thinking believing her over you, it just broke me to see you drinking all the time, I'm bad news Lo" his voice now rather strained, clearly struggling to tell me exactly how he felt.

"Its not all you fault, you didn't tell me to drink its just what I do, I don't want to, but I'm not sure I can get over the Lucy thing Joey, it just shows to me your another person who doesn't believe in me" I could feel the tears brimming, as I bite down on my lip to try and stop myself.

"Babe, I do believe it you, I just made a wrong judgement and I will have to live with that, live with the fact that you don't trust me, but if you give me a chance I will prove to you every day how much I believe in you, all I want is a chance" I heard a muffled sob escape through the phone.

"I'm not sure if I can yet, Joey you know I love you but maybe it isn't enough" I whispered, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks.

"Love is always enough" he stated as if trying to convince himself.

"Maybe" I whispered, popping my head around the door I noticed my mum shuffle a little in the chair. "I need to go" I quickly whispered.

"Bye babe" he sighed, waiting for me to end the call.

"Bye Joey" and with that I put the phone down. Creeping back into the room, I slid into bed, lying on my side, my thoughts completely overwhelmed with Joey. He consumed them most of the time, but tonight even more so, I missed him more than I ever realised, hearing his voice only concluded that fact.

I had so much to think about, was it worth salvaging what we had fought so hard to have, convinced so many people to accept, because our love was honest and pure, was it really all worth it?

The days passed as I still remained in hospital, but each night as my mum slept I would call Joey, not for long but long enough just to hear him, though we never said the three little words to each other, because we didn't know what it was yet.

I was finally allowed home, as dad helped me from the car, ushering me up the steps of number 5, placing me down on the couch. Switching on the TV he left me to go to work. I was rather happy to have some alone time I had be suffocated by my mum and dad ever since that day, to be on my own was a relief.

I was broke from my trance, engulfed in the TV as I heard the back door open and then close. I just assumed it was Abi as I called out to her, but received no reply, that when his head popped around the lounge door, scaring me a little as I clutched my chest.

"Shit sorry Lauren" he said, bending down at my side watching me intently as I steadied my heart rate. "Are you okay?" he asked concerned, as I let go of my chest.

"Yeah fine, you just scared me is all" I chuckled, lifting my legs off of the sofa letting him sit down next to me.

"How's your heart?" he asked, though I knew there was a double meaning to it.

"Well its still beating thankfully" I chuckled, seeing him roll his eyes at my response "Its healing" I muttered a little more seriously.

"That's good" he replied his eyes moving from me to the TV. A comfortable silence issued over us, I hadn't realised my head had dropped to his shoulder as I felt sleepy. It was just natural, plus he was ridiculously comfy. I didn't want to give him false hope, but it was just nice him being here, no drama just the two of us enjoying each other's company.

"Lauren" he murmured, turning me to face him.

"We're going to be okay" he stated, my face cupped between his hands. I just nodded in response, laying my head back down onto his chest, his arms wrapping securely around my waist pulling me closer to him. For the first time in weeks I felt safe again, as if everything would be okay. Sure we had some serious trust issues that needed working through and I also expected some grovelling, but in all honesty I just wanted my boyfriend back_, I just wanted to be loved. _

I woke up feeling a little disorientated, Joey fast asleep next to me, his arms not so tight around me. Sliding out of his arms, I crept over to the window, looking out onto the square, I noted it was late afternoon, my mum wouldn't be back for a while yet. Glancing around, that's when I spotted her. A wave of anger rushed through my fragile body, as I dropped the curtain, not thinking I brushed past Joey who was still asleep, swinging open the front door, I scrambled down the stairs, heading straight to her.

"YOU" I shouted, ignoring the nagging feeling in my chest. She turned sharply to see me, her face paling with guilt.

"I fucking hate you" I hissed, shaking my fist at her trying to resist the urge to punch her.

"Lauren I-" she went to continue.

"NO, don't even say my name, I will never forgive you for this Lucy, ever" I hissed, clutching my chest now. "Me and you are finished, we aren't friends were not anything you are dead to me".

"Lauren babe" Joey voice behind me, his hands resting on my shoulders. "I know your angry but your heart babe" he gently cooed me, calming the pulsing anger that had washed through me.

"I think you should go" he stated firmly at Lucy, who was brushing away tears from her eyes, my words finally getting through to him.

"Joey" I whispered, holding onto him, feeling a little exhausted. Sweeping me back up into his arms, my head dropped to the crook of his neck. I couldn't resist pressing a kiss to it, feeling his smirk as he kissed my forehead, holding me close as he carried me home. It wasn't anything major, but it was a start, a hope of something more one day.

_I knew I loved him, hell I knew he loved me, it was just a matter of time. _


End file.
